i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
a search helicopter?!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
