Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
