and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
