how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
