well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
