can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
