Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I got inside last night via doggy door
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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