She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
