I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
