Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
