my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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