Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
