Moan for me like Helen Keller
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
