he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
