Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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