You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
