Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i think my cat just said my name.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
