i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
