susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
