oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize