How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How naked do you want me to be?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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