This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
