well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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