yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
