Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
