I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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