Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
