lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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