Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
