Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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