I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize