woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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