I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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