A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
