I just threw up on my dentist
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
