Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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