It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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