but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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