I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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