Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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