thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
