nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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