a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
