def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
