Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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