i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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