Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
