Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
