when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
