By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
