WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
