piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
