i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
