This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She's just so happy...and so naked.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
