is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We need to get me chipped asap
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
