Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
