Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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