I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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