He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
