The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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