I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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