Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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