I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
