I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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