Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
