i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
