I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
