the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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