Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
