but the lizard people decide everything anyway
high people should be assigned attendants
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
