$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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