I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
