tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize