I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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