if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
