Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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