Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
