whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
