well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
