life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
