but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
