It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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