i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Couch. On fire.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
