distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
