I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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