i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
