Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
