WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
