You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
