Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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