I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
