There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
