Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
