im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ugly people sure do ruin things
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
