Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
