We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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