is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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