did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Say something about gay babies.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
