you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
