I got chris browned last night
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
