Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize