Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I would fuck him just for his dog
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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