Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
