I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
