So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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