we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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