a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize