your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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