dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
