I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
